Post-Op Day 6

Day 6 (Sunday, May 30) - I had a bit of a scare the night before. I had just finished up drinking my soup, and of course I choke on it so I start coughing. Then I hear POP POP! WTH? Instant panic occurs. I frooze, because I thought if I moved I'd mess it up even further. Oh shit, oh shit, I'm thinking I just busted my lower jaw on one side. I looked at my husband and said "Something just popped!" Then about two seconds later I was like, "Wait, there's no pain? Oooohhhh, the bands just broke." Haha. Whew.

Then about another two seconds later, panic set in again. "Oh no, oh no, what should I do????" My husband called Q's cell since we had it, but he didn't answer. I was freaked out and just about crying. I still thought I was messing something up w/o those bands. Then my husband tried Q's office # and got the # of the other dr that was on call for the weekend. The dr didn't think it'd be a problem w/o the bands for a night since I didn't have any pain. He said to try Q's cell again if he didn't call us back. Q did return our call, and confirmed what that other dr had said. He wanted to see me first thing the next morning to replace the bands. It really wasn't that big of deal luckily. Whew!

We went down to Q's office in the next morning, and he replaced the bands. He gave me a bag of bands and showed my husband how to put them in if they broke again. No big deal. He said I was looking great all things considered. :)

I felt pretty good in the morning, but as the afternoon came I started hitting some walls...first one - the oral pain and anti-nausea meds. They are supposed to be "fruit" flavored. Didn't taste like any fruit I've ever had. But they do work (really well) so I have to take them. It started turning into a fight over the weekend and by Sunday I was literally choking them down. It got to point where I was almost in tears every time I took them. And I had to go thru this every 6 hours. It was torture.

The second wall I hit - I wanted solid food. You do not realize just how many food commercials are on TV until you can't eat those foods! I really wanted pizza. I wanted pizza SO BAD. Later that night it got so bad that I tried to suck on a tiny piece of bread, but it just got stuck on my tongue so I couldn't swallow it. Grr! And of course that lead to tears of frustration and anger. :|

Ok, so just to prove just how messed up the pain meds had me. Day 6 was SUNDAY. I totally thought it was Saturday, and the night before was Friday night. ALL DAY LONG on Sunday I thought this. It wasn't until later Sunday night when I mentioned to the hubby that I thought it was weird that Dr Q had asked how our Saturday was when it was only Saturday morning. My hubby was like, um, today is Sunday.  HUH??? I completely and totally lost a day, no memory of it what so ever!

Annoyances:

• Talking is still difficult
• Still drooling/slobbering
• Runny nose w/o warning
• Will this congestion ever go away?
• Coughing hurts
• Oral pain meds and anti-nausea meds taste HORRIBLE, I am so freaking tired of choking them down!
• Still can't "swish" mouthwash so I'm pretty sure my teeth are going to rot
• I wanna brush my teeth soooo bad (I did use the little in-between brush to clean some gunk from my front top braces, shhh)
• Bruises are surfacing - WTH is with the ones on my neck?!?
• I REALLY want solid food
• Tired of not feeling like myself

Good Stuff:

• No nose bleeds
• My lower lip and chin still tingle - means the nerves are healing :)
• I LOVE my heating pad
• I like hanging out w/my dogs all day
• Swelling is going down
• I can kinda smile

Post-op day 6 pic - Swelling had gone down considerably, but bruises had started surfacing.

Post-Op Day 4

Day 4 (Friday, May 28) - Chubby, chubby cheeks! lol  Still had a lot of swelling. I think it's kind of a toss up as to if day 3 or 4 was my peak swelling day. I think my profile looked slightly more puffed on day 3. I was smiling in the first pic, that's all I could mange to get.
I felt REALLY good this day. Especially considering what had been done just a couple days ago. I had another friend stop by the house to see me. She brought me flowers and a strawberry smoothie. :) She also brought over a sandwhich for my husband. Watching them eat their burgers and tots was a bit cruel since I won't be able to touch that stuff for 3 months.  :( Oh well, gotta get used to it sometime.

Profile pics:

Before we left the hospital, Q gave my husband a list of things for once we got home.

• Heating pad 20 minutes per side throughout the day
• Exercise - walk down one house and back, slowly increase by one house until she can walk around block
• Keep up w/liquids - don't get dehydrated
• NORMAL
• Tired & grouchy
• Sore
• Nose bleeds
• NOT NORMAL
• Rapid swelling on 1 side
• Non stop nose bleed
• Nausea that meds don't help
• Temp over 101 degrees & swollen/flushed
• BUY
• Prune juice - Pain meds will cause constipation
• Childrens Motrin - help reduce the swelling
• Childrens liquid Benadryl - use for sedative for if any meds hype her up

Post-Op Days 2-3

Day 2 (Wed, May 26) - After breakfast, I really wanted to get up and take a shower, but I still had the catheter in which was UNcomfortable. I was so tired of just laying in bed. So I asked the nurse if I could have the catheter removed so I take a shower, and she said no problem. Awesome! The shower felt GREAT! :) Then I was totally pooped and just wanted to sleep again.

After my shower I felt good for the rest of the day. I attempted to watch a movie or two, but the all the meds I was getting just knocked me out so sleeping is what I did most. At some point that day I also took a walk w/my husband's help around the hospital which went good. I was pretty tired afterwards though and slept again for a while. Later on I was coherent enough to log onto facebook for a while. Dr Q came while I was on FB and said that it was really good that I was sitting up & doing things. He said everything looked good, but I needed to get more liquids in me before he released me to go home.

I had visitors that evening. I didn't really want to see anyone since I was starting to look like a puffer fish and was spending most of my time in lala land, but my friend had made up her mind before the surgery that she was coming to see me whether I wanted her to or not. She is one of my closest friends so really I couldn't tell her no. ;) Now, I was kinda worried about her seeing me though...she has NO poker face at all. I was afraid she'd see me and have this horrified expression on her face. That is something I don't think I could have handled. She said I looked good, a lot better than she was expecting. They (her and her husband) brought me some flowers and a card. :) I can't say that I remember what was talked about, but I remember my face hurting some from laughing. It must have been a good visit. ;)

Here's the first pic of me ~24 hours post-op and after my shower. I really didn't look too bad yet, other than no make-up. :( Oh, and I LOVED those ice packs around my face! They felt awesome! :)

Day 3 (Thurs, May 27) - I reached the peak of swelling on day 3. Now I'm really puffer fish face, and it was bit scary looking (see photographic evidence). Another than the swelling I still feel pretty good for the most part. Not a lot of pain. During the night the nurse had started to switch me to the oral pain meds in preparation of disconnecting the IV and so I can go home. I had a lot more appetite on day 3, and drank everything for my breakfast and lunch which made Dr Q happy. Then I was able to go home! Q also told me that my swelling really was minimal compared to others, and that I looked great. This didn't really make me feel any better. :P

My list of 'annoyances' for the first two days:

• Talking is way to difficult
• My face feels funny
• Drooling is gross, but can't be stopped
• Nose bleeds just happen w/o warning
• Congestion - I can breathe thru my nose, but my sinuses are stuffed
• Coughing hurts
• Eating is a messy procress
• Can't "swish" mouthwash since I can't move my cheeks or lips
• Tired of laying in this bed

Stuff I'm happy about:

• No sore throat! (I had read that a lot people had this so I was expecting it)
• I can shower
• Ice packs are awesome
• Minimal numbness
• My lower lip and chin tingle - means the nerves are healing :)
• I can drink from a cup
• Pain is managed well
• I can have my Starbucks :)
• Everyone is so nice here

Here are day 3 pics -

Nausea :(

The first night was a little rough for me. I woke up around 11pm or so (per my husband) with a really upset stomach. Apparently the nurse had forgot to give me a dose of the anti-nausea meds earlier so I got the dose a little too late...

The tech that helped me was wonderful though. She was so nice, I wish I could remember her name. : | She explained that what was happening was totally normal even though it looked really bad. She told me and my husband that I was going to empty my stomach contents of the blood that had drained into it during the surgery. Great. I tried SO HARD to throw-up, but my stomach was completely empty. It sucked so bad. It hurt too. Dry heaves suck. Anesthesia sucks. This dry heaving seemed to go on forever, I really don't know how long it lasted. It just sucked.

I also started coughing which sucked too. It was a deep chested, crackling cough. The nurse and tech said this was a good thing and to go ahead and cough it all out. It wast the anesthesia working it's way out of my system. I didn't care what it was at the time, I just wanted it to stop.

After this happened is when I first remember actually feeling some pain. I felt the most pain in my lower jaw. The nurse put the little button thingy for the pain meds in my hand, and I kept on losing it. Those pains meds work pretty fast. In no time I was back in lala land and asleep. :)

I had the barf tub next to me for the rest of the night. Off and on a few times I had some nausea, but is was nothing like that first time. By the time the morning rolled around I was feeling better. I was able to eat, or drink rather, some liquids - apple juice, ensure, beef broth and water. Everything tasted pretty good. A bit later though the nausea came back. I didn't puke anything up, just had a queasy tummy for a little bit. This became the norm for a couple days. Didn't have much pain, what pain I did have was easily controlled by the pain meds.

Surgery Day - May 25, 2010

I didn't sleep hardly at all, and was up well before the alarm. (Which to anyone who knows me well, knows this is not the norm. I LOVE my snooze button!) I'm feeling nervous, but with a little bit of calm. I think it helped me to pray the night before, I think that's were the calm came from anyway.

I dragged my feet a lot this morning, because I really wasn't feeling ready and the day already seemed to be moving faster than normal. I needed to be at the hospital at 9-9:30am to be prepped for the surgery which was scheduled for 10-11am. Time was flying by, but everything seemed be in slow motion too.

We (me and my husband) get to the hospital on time. The check in was quick (it helps that I did all the paper work the week before when I came to get my blood drawn) and before I knew I was in the pre-op room. The pre-op nurse was super nice, and did a great job w/my IV. She told me what to expect when I woke up - might have a tube in my nose that goes to my stomach, there'll be ice packs wrapped around my head and there'll be an oxygen mask on my face. Again, everything was moving SO freaking fast. I wanted to hit the pause button. I'm not feeling ready for this! I don't know how many times I said that to my husband, must of been 100 times or more.

Pretty soon Dr Q came in to see how I was doing. Then the anesthesiologist dr (don't remember her name) came in to give me what she called "the best dizzy you'll ever feel" medicine. Yeah, I needed something to calm me down! I remember waiting for this "best dizzy ever" feeling, and not feeling the "dizzy". I kinda remember being rolled into the OR next to the operating table and being left there. I tried to look around, because I heard people, but didn't see any people. My husband later told me that after the dizzy medicine, I became very chatty. I'm not a chatty person, in fact when I'm scared, nervous or mad I don't talk at all. I don't remember being chatty at all.

The next thing I knew I was waking up. This part is a lot fuzzy since I was really out of it. I vaguely remember the tube being pulled out of my nose that went to my stomach. I remember someone asking me if I knew where I was and what had happened. Which I did. Once I was awake, they took me to my room. I don't remember having any pain at this point, just being really groggy and tired.

It was around 4pm when they put me in my room. I was feeling pretty good all things considered, ya know for just had having my jaws sawed apart. My face felt pretty weird. It felt tight and puffy. Talking was very difficult and that became frustrating for me. I couldn't really move my mouth at all. I had 4 rubber bands in, two on each side. I had full feeling on the entire left side of my face including my lips and chin. On the right side of my face, my lower lip and chin area was completely numb, and the inside of my right nostril was numb. That was it for the numbness! That was awesome and really exciting since I'd been most worried about the numbness. :)

At some point Dr Q came in to check on me. I don't really remember much other than he was there. My husband told me that Q had told me to get some rest, then he sat down and chatted a while w/him. Q went over the what to expect now stuff w/him, and said everything went really well during the surgery. Then they just BS'ed for a while.

My surgery lasted 3-3 1/2 hours or so. Each jaw took about 1 1/2 hours complete. Dr Q said everything went well. Apparently the nerve in my lower jaw was huge which took him a little longer to get around, because he had to chisel it out. I'm just glad he didn't chop it in half (not that I really thought he would)! ;)

The Day Before Surgery - May 24, 2010

I was extremely nervous the day before the surgery. I had planned to take the day off from work since I had a couple of appts in morning. I thought I had all my ducks in row workwise, but didn't quite get everything completed so I needed to finish up some things in the afternoon. I'm thinking it shouldn't take me that long to finish up...

First up was the appt for my pug, Paco (he has allergies and is going thru allergy shot therapy), which went fine and stayed on time. I run him home and I'm off to my last ortho appt before the surgery. That went quickly as well, they put in some wire hooks on my upper and lower brackets, and put some glue on the ends of the cut wire pieces that they had put in the week before. The inside of my lips had been slipping between and then catching on the ends. Those suckers were sharp! The glue dots made them much more comfortable. :) (Dr Q would have cut these wires during the surgery had it the ortho not done this, and from what I've read this was much more comfortable as I wasn't getting poked by anything before or afterwards.) Dr Nelson had asked me if I was nervous, and I said VERY nervous. It was a weird nervous though too, because I was excited about it at the same time. He laughed and said I was going to great and that I was going to be really happy with the results. :) I sure hope so!

So after my ortho appt, I grab some lunch with the hubby, we pick up the last of my prescription meds and grab a few more packs of Ensure and what not. We get home around 2:30 - 3ish or so, and I break out the work laptop to finish up my work. Should only take me 2-3 hours, 4 tops. Nope, took a wee bit longer...I worked until almost 10:30pm! I'm already completely stressed about the surgery being TOMORROW, and now I'm stressed out because there's way more work to do than I thought. I really am an organized person and on top my shit at work. So I finally get to the point where I was like f*** it, I can't deal with it anymore, I'm too stressed and worried plus I'm tired now, and I go to log onto the network (easier to work off my desktop at home), and the freaking drive I need isn't mapped for some reason. Grrrrrr!!! Thank God I have a GREAT coworker to cover me while I'm out. We had talked about what might need to be finished up so she knew that there might be some things to do - I just really wanted it all done so she didn't have to do it! Btw-this coworker had the same surgery I'm having so she knows all about what I'm going thru. She says it was one of the best things she ever did. I hope I feel the same way when this is all done and over with.

So I finally get that all taken care of, and as I'm getting ready for bed I have my 'freak out' moment. All the anxiety, stress, fear, everything just hits me. I'm trying to brush my teeth and see myself in the mirror, and I just start crying. Heavy, shoulder shaking sobs. I don't feel ready. It came too fast. I feel like I need to ask more questions, read more blogs, but I don't know what else to ask or look for, I mean I've already read EVERYTHING I could find on the subject. What if I missed something? God, do I REALLY want to do this? What if I don't like my new face...once it's done it's done. What if I don't wake up? Still crying, I finish my pre-bed routine, and then I prayed. I counted and thanked God for all the blessings in my life, for Dr Nelson and Dr Quaroni, I prayed for Dr Q to be well rested and well practiced in the plan for my surgery and to be of clear mind, I asked God to watch over my husband to ease his worry during the surgery, to watch over my parents, family and friends. I asked for forgiveness, and that He take care of me so that I wake up and that all goes well...and then I tried to get some sleep.

Before Pics

Before braces (taken at initial consult w/Dr Nelson in June 2008):

 

 

Pre-Op Meetings with Dr. Q

Dr. Quaroni (aka Dr Q or Q) is my oral surgeon. This is the dude that will be cutting my jaw bones into pieces and then putting them back together with plates and screws resulting into a correct bite. I was referred to Dr Q by my orthodontist, Dr. Nelson. These two guys are the BEST in their respective fields, and I feel very blessed to have them as my doctors!

Cool little fact - Each of them has a daughter that has gone thru jaw surgery, and both are very up front with that info in the first visit. Which I think is pretty darn cool, and I found it comforting. Not only do these guys know how to fix your teeth and jaw, but they also have the first hand experience of what the recovery is really like. And Dr Q did his own kid's surgery. The dude is hard core!

At my first appointment with Dr Q, he told me that I had a couple issues going on with my bite. He explained that I would need my upper jaw widen to correct my cross bite, and my lower jaw moved forward to correct my over bite, and that he could help me with that. He told me that he is very good at what he does, and he always takes his time with his surgeries. So my first impression of Dr Q - Very confident in his abilities w/o being arrogant or conceded. I like that, I like that a lot. He has a very Zen like presence about him too. Very even keel, doesn't seem to get to overly excited or anything. He has a way of explaining things in detail, and putting you at ease about it at the same time. I like this guy.

Here are my notes (both written and from memory) from all my appointments w/ Q:

11/12/09 Appt - This was my first meeting w/Dr Quaroni. One of the first things he said to me was that this type of surgery is a big deal. The recovery is a marathon. You don't heal overnight, it takes a LONG time to fully heal and for all the swelling to completely leave, it's a MARATHON. Wow, this is a BIG deal. He told me that I will be nervous leading up to the surgery, about a month before a little more nervous, a week before a little more nervous, and the night before extremely nervous. He also told me that he and Dr Nelson had been working together for several years, and that they both had daughters that also have had jaw surgery so they both had the unique perspective of both the preparation and the recovery process. He said most surgeons do the surgery, then send you home and don't see you until a week later. "I've been there to see the aches and pains and emotional toll this surgery takes on a person." (paraphrasing since I don't remember the exact words)

• Off work 2-3 wks
• Braces off 4-6 months after surgery
• Surgery will be ~3 1/2 hrs long
• 1-2 days in the hospital
• Mouth NOT wired shut
• NO splint to wear afterwards, only used during the surgery (woo hoo! I had read from others had this done and were really uncomfortable, so I was excited about it.)
• Most of the swelling and bruising should be gone after about 2 wks
• DO NOT have this surgery to fix joint pain - It will not fix it (Q was very adamant about this)
• Frequent trips to see him and Dr Nelson after the surgery

1/14/10 Appt - This appt was probably the longest, and I actually had paper to take notes. :P I got LOTS of information at this appointment. I also learned that Dr Q has had over 700 cases of both upper and lower jaw surgeries. That eased my mind a lot. This ain't his first rodeo! :)

• Two main concerns that Dr Q had for me (Luckily, I don't suffer from either of these issues much anymore):
• Jaw Joint Pain - 70% have less pain, 20% have the same as before, 10% pain gets worse
• Of the 10% that have worse pain, Dr Q has had 3-4 patients that had to be referred on to have jaw joint surgery.
• Clicking Joints - 0% improvement, won't fix it.
• Recovery Timelines
• Jaw fully healed - 1 year
• 3 months - can eat regular food
• 1 week - can resume regular walking
• 4-6 wks - can lift weights
• 6 weeks - can start/resume running
• 2-3 months off horseback riding
• Rubber Bands on for 6-8 wks after surgery
• Support for the jaw and facial muscles from fatigue from surgery
• Force on the teeth to move and hold jaw in place
• 7 - my surgery's difficultly level on a 1-10 scale (1=easiest, 10=hardest)
• 2 wks crappy and cranky
• 4 hrs for surgery (The length of time is the only detail that varied some in each appt.)
• Surgery done inside the mouth
• Swollen for 4-6 wks
• Time for Numbness to go away:
• 4-6 wks - whole mouth area, nose and chin
• 4-6 months - chin and lower lip
• 8-10% chance of permanent numbness or diminished feeling in lower lip and chin
• 3% chance of Relapse - small revision surgery to correct that's done in the office
• 2 days - 1 week - Will need someone to take care of me, make sure my meds are taken and basically be at my beck and call. My words, not Dr Q's. :)

2/25/10 Appt - Just a few questions at this appt. We talked some about the info from the previous appt, and he checked my orthodontic progress. He also showed me where the cuts would be made in my jaws, and where they be moved to (he used a pic of my x-ray). I also learned that he will be moving my upper jaw slightly forward so that it supports my upper lip and will keep my looking younger longer. He said there'd be no noticable different in the look of my face. Nice! :) By now I'm really liking Dr Q and feeling pretty confident in his abilities. :)

• Donate my own blood?  Not needed, very, very unlikely it would be needed
• 1 % chance of permanent damage to upper teeth, Very rare for lower teeth
• Only 10 teeth in career had to send to root canal specialist
• Other doctors during surgery - 1 other surgeon, 2 assistants, 2 nurses...some others, but I can't remember since I didn't write it all down. Not really all that important, to me anyway.

4/08/10 Appt - This is the appt that my surgery was scheduled. Dr Q checked my orthodontic progress which he said I was setup nicely for the surgery. We talked again about the risks, I need lots of reassurance that the risks are small compared to the benefits, that Q is as good as they say, and that I'm going to be OK. I'm sure inside Dr Q was like "Seriously we have to talk about this again?", but he never once said or showed any such thing. At this time, one of my biggest fears was the permanent numbness in my lips. Q explained that there was a 10% chance of it happening, but if you were to flip a coin that you knew was the same on both sides, 9 out of 10 times you knew what you had every time, you'd make quite a bit of money at it. Not sure that's exactly what he said, and it doesn't seem to make as much sense to me now as it did at the time. Whatever it was he said worked, because something clicked and I realized 'this guy is good, no the best, he knows what he's doing and how to do it right, stop worrying so much. Focus on the positives.' Easier said than done, but I wasn't as worried anymore about the numbness after this appt. :)

5/11/10 Appt - This was 2 weeks pre-op. Dr Q took molds for the models, took all kinds of measurements, and an array of x-rays. He asked how I was doing and if I had anymore questions for him. Of course I did. :)

• Gum damage - 1% chance potentially on the top canines - can be fixed w/gum graft
• Diet - 2 wks liquids, 6 wks soft (mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs, etc.)
• Zip'nSqueeze Bags - out of business, but there are other options to eating - syringe w/a tube, can use a straw, can drink from a cup, etc.
• Nausea - Will I throw-up?
• 10% chance (I'm thinking my chances are more like 100% solely based on the one other time in my life that I've had general anaesthesia, and I puked my guts out.)
• Anti-nausea meds given before, during and after the surgery in the hospital.
• Prescription meds include anti-nausea meds to after I go home.
• How soon can I walk? (Because I don't remember that you already told me that. ;P) - Walk small amounts in hospital and during first week, then slowly resume normal walking after 1 wk
• When can I brush my teeth? 1 wk, Prescription mouthwash will be enough for the first week to clean teeth
• What happens if I cough, sneeze or get the hiccups?  Should not have any cough or sneezing, but if it does happen shouldn't hurt anything, Unlikely for hiccups
• Will you cut my wires? - Yes on the top. No since Dr Nelson has broken wires in already.
• Back to see the ortho 1 wk after surgery

5/18/10 Appt - Last appt w/Q before the surgery. One week pre-op. HOLY COW this is approaching fast and I am nervous!! I'm freaking out a little, because I feel this is my last chance for questions...and I'm worried about the questions I don't know to ask. Dr Q gives me his cell # so that I can call if anything else pops into my head. That makes me feel better. :) So He takes my medical history and talks to me about ASH (Austin Surgical Hospital) and what time to be there. Tells me I will need to call them and schedule a time to have my blood drawn and pee in a cup so they can check some things and make sure I'm healthy and all.

• What do I bring to the hospital? - Slippers, PJ's w/button-up shirt, movies, ipod...I also took q-tips (use to clean my nose), facial wipes and moisturiser, change of clothes to wear home, the prescription mouthwash, shower stuff (shampoo & body wash), lip balm (try to get a roll-on or squeeze dispenser), and my notebook for questions while in the hospital. I got a lot a good info from this page - Jaw Dropping Blends
• What am I going to look like afterwards?
• Very swollen - will take about 2 wks to go away
• More defined jaw and chin in my profile (yea!)
• Tip of nose will be very slightly turned up - This happens, because when the top jaw is cut, whatever holds your nose in place at the bottom is cut too. So Q will retie the corners at the bottom so that my nose doesn't spread out which he said is "quite unattractive." He said most people don't notice the difference.
• Can I have my teeth cleaned in early July? - No, postpone until at least 3 months out from surgery
• Is there anything I can do to prepare for the surgery before/after in terms of exercises or vitamins to heal quicker? - No, just good health. Walking, good nutrition and keep hydrated. No new foods.
• Will I be able to talk right away? - Yes
• How soon can I shower? - The next morning (awesome!)
• What happens to the gap in my lower jaw after you move it forward, do you fill it with something? - No, it bleeds and clots which turns into bone in 4-6 months. (That's freaking cool!)
• What if I completely freak out next week? - "If it's at the hospital, there are things we can give you to relax you :), if you freak out the day/night before you have my #, call me and I will talk you off the ledge." (I do really like him :))

Pre-Op days

Since I'm actually at about 4 wks post-op now, I need to rewind to pre-surgery (I excel at procrastination which is why this blog is just now getting started). So let's go back to about mid April...

I'd been stressing and obsessing over this surgery for quite some time - CRAZY emotional rollacoaster, and I'm not an outwardly emotional person. One week I was excited about it, the next day I'd be on the verge of panic attack and end up crying myself to sleep. This went on and on for months. It drained me. I got to the point I didn't care when it was I just wanted it gone and done with so I didn't have to worry about anymore.

So back to April, is when the surgery was officially scheduled for May 25th. Initially, I felt super relived like a huge weight lifted off me. I was so excited that it was finally happening for real. :) I was hoping that this is what I'd be feeling up to the surgery and after...nope, about 2-3 days later I had a full blown panic attack. I seriously thought I was dying (Thank the lord I didn't). So I was back on this crazy emotional rollacoaster ride. Yuck. :(  I highly recommend yoga breathing, it saved me from many panic attacks in the remaining wks leading up to the surgery. I also planned as many things as I could into those last few weeks, because I needed as many distractions as I could get, anything to keep me from freaking out. Just BREATHE. In. Out. In. Out.

I really am excited about this surgery it's just hard to contain the fear of it. This surgery really is a big deal!